…i woke up late today. No time for shower. Got to work a little early. Washed my hair in the sink with hand soap. dried it with paper towels. Hooray for being inventive lol. At least my hair isn’t extra greasy anymore haha.
..am I where I’m supposed to be in life. Was everything that happened between us just a waste of time? all that heartache, making up, hanging out and becoming best friends; just to watch it all explode and burn to the ground in front of me…was it supposed to happen? or was it a freak accident inspired by chemicals? I just wonder what would have been had we not ingested that poison that day. These choices make me sick to my stomach. I should have gone to church today. I need some fucking guidance :/
fuel= all the things that have to do with you including drawings, articles of clothing, etc.
its too bad i cant even listen to a few bands because they remind you of me and i throw up in my mouth a little bit and make my stomach turn into knots.
its too bad.
I imagine that’s okay. I don’t hate you. I never did. I did, however, get mad at how consistently bitchy you are all the time. You wonder how all your friends get pushed away from you…well darlin…yah. But like I said. I haven’t hated you since day 1 of this whole fiasco. If you wanna set fire to all that stuff, you go for it. It’s not really gonna make anything any better. Unless you feel like you’re getting some kind of revenge by doing it. Which you wouldn’t be. I gave that stuff to you. which makes it yours, no one else’s. You say you’re too busy to show you hate me, I don’t even talk to you anymore, so how are you supposed to show that you hate me when I have no way of knowing. You make no sense sometimes, lovely. I would like to fix things. But you will continuously say that there is no way, and all that stuff. But I had no intentions of hurting you or doing anything to you that night. I know that for a fact. Things happened the way they did, and from what you told me…you were aware of what was going on and I never heard you say anything about trying to stop me. It’s your fallacy as well. I don’t know why we can’t just wipe our hands of it and be friends again. I don’t even care if it’s not the same. I just want you to be a part of my life again. because this fight is meaningless and stupid in my opinion.
I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight...I'm cleaning out my closet.
I’ve come to face with some personal demons. I have quite a few. Some flaws to butt heads with. On top of the fact that I have been disowned by certain ‘undesirables’, I have crossed some of the more important people in my life. I hate it when I have to learn lessons through humility. But recently, that seems like the only way I have been able to learn lessons. I’m starting to like myself less and less. The only good thing that will come from this misery will be the fact that I can probably scratch down a couple of new poems. My misery breeds creativity. I just need to fix this before I lose all I hold dear.