…when you see the one you love with someone you KNOW doesn’t care about them as much as you do? I mean…how can they not see what they mean to you? and they throw it away on some other loser who isn’t even worth considering. Fuck that. If they loved you…they’d stop being with the other person and be with you. because that’s love. it’s not full of games. Today’s the day I’ll fade away.
..and I feel like I hate myself a little bit more as each one passes. idk. I feel weak. Like I gave you control. As much as I had tried to fight it. As many times as I pulled away because of it. I’ve surrendered and become what I never wanted to. It’s so hard to live when I can’t stand the thought of waking up. When everything is a surreal blur.
“We’re all miracles. You know why? Because as humans, everyday we go about our business. And all that time, we know the things we love, the people we love, at any time can all be taken away. We live knowing that and we keep going anyway.”—Little Children
you don’t consider the feelings of others. I don’t enjoy you being a jerk 24/7 and expecting the rest of us to cater to your whims because you’re Amanda. You just shove everybody around and be mean and then expect them to be nice to you like you never did it in the first place. I’m not the only one who’s getting sick of it. I’m just saying. idk how much longer I can put up with being your angst-cushion.
all these little people in it just make me sick. saying one thing then doing a completely different thing. just come out and say thats what you were planning on doing, not lying about it.
grow a pair and just say it.
I’m allowed to change my mind.
who said this was about you?
because of what happened yesterday. about the frisbee and the way you reacted. by hanging up the phone. it might not have been about me in particular, but I’m sure I had crossed your mind when you thought of it. I apologize for not coming when I said I would, but I changed my mind. I don’t want you mad at me over something so dumb.
no, it had not crossed my mind at all max. i was pissed because you didnt bother saying a fuckin word. 2 hours before you were like yea frisbee. not everything i post on this is about you. 3/4 of it is about no one in peticular at all. i just like to ramble on about nobodys i wish were somebodies.
this is the first time in forever i’ve said anything about what you’ve posted. you jumped down my throat when you thought that a post was about you. so i don’t wanna hear it.
…of you. Not because of the Mexican food that I ate earlier, not because of any physical illnesses that I may possess, but because I’m so afraid as to what you’re going to say…I dont know what to do. I’m going to say what I said I was going to say, but whether or not it goes the way I want it to is something different. Please God. Help me through this.
..and started believing. I’m taking this all and placing it in God’s hands. He will do what’s right for me. He will show me where I need to go and what I need to do. I am forever grateful for everything He has done and everything He is going to do. Now I play the waiting game. My patience will be rewarded and my virtues will be strengthened.
Mediocrity roams these halls. I can’t seem to do anything right. I am the personal embodiment of failure. There’s never an exciting moment. I don’t do anything anymore. I just sit and watch the fan on my ceiling. Rapidly spinning and spinning. As though maybe something will happen. Although I know it never will.
In adolescence I was a bundle of energy. It has all left me now. It seems that she took everything with her. Like a small divorce in ways. Only there was no monetary gain. She’s got my heart. In a little glass box. That she keeps on the highest shelf. Close to the edge. I fear it may fall and shatter. But for now she’s just keeping it.
How can I fight off these feelings? When I am left helpless from the last hash we had. It’s almost impossible to keep her face from my mind. It’s like fighting ghosts. Almost futile. What can I do? What can I say? To make you see.. ..at the end of the day.